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3rd May 2010

10:54pm: I guess it's been a while since I wrote anything on here. Next year I guess things will be changing a bit. In the fall I'll be moving to Radford so that I can finish up school. I guess I'm excited, but honestly I'm a little bit worried. Being in Blacksburg, I have the Inn and Rocky Horror, through which I have gained a few friends, but very few I hang out with one on one. I'll be pretty busy at Radford, trying to fit in all the classes I need before I student teach the following year, and I'm worried about how lonely I'm going to be over there. To be honest, at times I'm lonely in Blacksburg and I've had several years to try to make friends. I'm afraid I'll be a bit of a freak over there, being that I'm 25 and only now finishing my bachelors. I just don't know what to expect. I also will just kind of miss Blacksburg and my routine here. I mean I have kind of grown bored with it, and yes Blacksburg isn't exactly very far away from Radford, but it's still a different experience, and I just don't know how I'm going to feel about this. It's probably good for me, but I worry that I won't adjust as I should and I'll screw up again and fuck over my future for good this time. I feel pressured because I'm 25 and getting older and most of my friends who are my age are ahead of me in some way or another. I have kind of extreme hopes and extreme fears. My craziest hope is to one day be a professor of egyptology, or even just archaeology or anthropology, and that I'll marry a woman that I love and have children and I'll live a happy life. My craziest fear is that I'll essentially end up a failure in every way, and that I'll always be alone and unhappy. Unfortunately my craziest fear seems more realistic in that it is essentially how I live now, and as hard as I work, it's like there will always be something that is trying to pull me back toward that, and not too much has to go wrong for me to end up there. Although it's probably a cliched metaphor, a fitting one would be like I'm rock climbing, and one slip, one screw up, and I'm dead at the bottom of a cliff. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not being pessimistic about the future, I just have these thoughts and I need to get them out. I really am hopeful, but just a bit scared as well. Feeling alone really is the worst feeling.

26th February 2010

3:46pm: I woke up this morning feeling bad about some stuff that's been going on. The stress was really piling up and I finally decided that before I went to work, I had to meditate, so I did, and it helped a lot. I still feel bad, but I kind of realized that I just need to stay active, and not wallow around. I do wish I had a friend to go to bars with, not really to drink (since I don't), but because I need to get out in the social scene to get over the whole chelsea thing. I just have way too much time to think about it, so I'm going to try to keep myself busy (I know this has helped in the past). I wasn't looking forward to working tonight, but now I kind of am, just because it's a good distraction and I get to interact with some people outside my social circle.

21st February 2010

6:20pm: Why did I do Rocky again this semster? If I'd known what would happen I wouldn't have. After seeing her with another guy, it upset me, but after a couple of days I felt better. Now I see her again this weekend and I'm upset again. I don't want to stay away from her, but I do, and I have to unless I want to keep getting upset and attached. It'd just be so much easier if we weren't involved in the same club. I just don't understand why I can't get over her and be done with it. I mean I wasn't with her for that long, and we weren't officially together. I guess it's just really horrible that someone who once brightened my day and gave me something to look forward to has made me miserable. Bad thing is, earlier this week I swore I'd stop whining about things, and now look at this. I don't know, it's just that I don't meet girls I'm compatible with very often, if ever, and I just thought that maybe this time I could be happy with someone, and now I have to wait a very long time most likely before I meet someone else.

17th February 2010

12:23am: My high school gym imploded this week. Since nobody got hurt I feel ok in admitting that I kind of got a bit of amusement out of the whole thing. Why? Because I have a bit of a twisted sense of humor, and now the room where I had to wear tight little blue shorts, run around in circles, play basketball with over-competitive jocks, and sit through insufferable pep rallies, is now a pile of rubble. Yeah, I mean it does suck for the students who have had their school year disrupted, and of course it's great that it didn't happen during the previous night's game, or any other time when people were in there, so I'm not missing the seriousness of the situation, it's just that there's just a comical side to it for me, for whatever reason.

13th January 2010

5:14pm: So today I went to the mall, and I saw two cops coming in. At this point I had walked past the game store and realized there was nowhere else I really wanted to go, so I turned around, which in hindsight probably looked suspicious and lead to what happened next. I hear a guy say "excuse me sir" I turn around and see a cop, and he goes "we need to ask you a few questions". Out of nowhere, I'm suddenly surrounded by about 7 cops. The guy asks me how long I've been at the mall (just got here) and if I drove there (yes), and then says "the reason I stopped you is because you match the description of someone seen running from Wal-mart." He asks me if I've been to Wal-mart, I say no, asks to see my ID, tells me the suspect was wearing a light blue shirt, and asks me to unzip my jacket, I'm wearing a dark blue sweatshirt. Meanwhile all these cops are talking into their radios, and finally the cop questioning me radios someone to ask what kind of shirt it was, and they say "light blueish grey button up shirt", so that rules me out and they let me go. So yeah, that was my bit of fun for the day.

31st December 2009

3:13pm: New Years Resolutions
I've been thinking about New Years resolutions, aka: those things I never do because I know I'll never keep them. But this year I think it might be worth my while to try. There are a lot of things I'd like to change and make better, so I think I might make a few.

1. Try to give up red meat.
I love red meat, but the thing is, it's really not all that healthy in some ways. So, I'm thinking that maybe I will at least cut down my intake.

2. Get on the road to finishing school.
I WILL do this because I know how bad I will feel about myself if I don't. It also factors into my life-long goal of making the world better in some way (be it large or small).

3. "In the upcoming year, I will always make the right decisions for myself by thinking about what is best for me and not allowing myself to be ruled by fear."

A little while ago, my dear friend Kate posted an entry about her New Years resolution, which was that which I posted above. I think it's a great resolution, and probably applies to a lot of people including myself. I abstain from doing a lot of things out of fear, be it taking a leap of faith to achieve success, or asking a girl out. One thing that comes to mind is my fear of travel (which is diminishing, but hasn't done so as much as I would like). So, as it is, I will take risks that are worth taking. My fear of failure has kept me from success, so I will get over my fear of failure and fail as many times as I need to.

Well, that's all for now. Wish me luck.

1st December 2009

2:48pm: I know I'm only 25, but lately I've been feeling kind of anxious about my age. I mean when I think about it, 5 years ago doesn't seem that long, and 5 years from now I'll be 30. I mean I've done so little since I turned 18, and I'm getting caught up and all, but it's scary to think of my 20s ending. Maybe I'm being a bit neurotic, it's just a bit freaky thinking about how time passes, and how I'm going to have to make decisions about where I'm going, and what I want. I one day want to have a wife and at least one kid, but at what point should I start worrying about the fact that someone I'm involved with who is 7 years younger doesn't want marriage or children (we are far from that stage of course, but what about the point of no return where you fall for someone?)? I mean I know that I won't be in any kind of financial shape for that kind of thing for at least another 2 or 3 years, but what happens when you fall for someone who doesn't want the same things you do? I know I'm getting ahead of myself a lot, but I also feel like I shouldn't ignore these possibilities. My mind is in overdrive right now, so forgive me, I just need to write this stuff out.

11th August 2009

4:25pm: So a while back I read about how their was an Amish community along with some Amish run General Stores out in Giles County. I actually spent some time trying to figure out where they were, and even went out there once but ended up lost. Anyway, last weekend I finally found them. They're actually incredibly isolated, they live in a valley that's a good distance from any town to speak of. It was a really interesting experience. Apparently they moved out there from Pennsylvania because development of the surrounding area had begun to encroach on their privacy (they don't mind visitors, and in fact depend on them for their businesses, but do wish to remain off the grid).  What I had heard before about Amish that was confirmed in my visit was that electricity is NOT forbidden, but when they do use electricity, they use solar power, because it doesn't involved connecting to english "power".  They also have arrangements with non-amish in the area to provide transportation via automobile when they need it.

Anyway, if I can get off work next weekend I'm gonna go visit my sister in Charlottesville.

1st August 2009

12:20pm: no nothing's new. Trying to get a teaching related job, but no luck so far (though on the upside, the positions I applied for have not been filled, I just have to wait for the school board to approve things or something like that), Other than that my life is boring, I hate it and I need a change.

7th June 2009

2:31am: Stolen from MaryCollapse )

25th March 2009

11:21pm: What up universe?! What's yo problem?!
So I've been gaining confidence for undetermined reasons, and about a month ago I met a girl who was very clearly flirting with me, I asked for her number, she gave me her number, then I called her and we had to put off the date because she sprained her ankle. She was going to call the following sunday, but there was a lot of snow and I presumed that was why, so I called her on tuesday, then she texted me back saying she got back together with her ex-boyfriend. Then last weekend at the Inn, I'm working at some kind of fraternity reunion and this girl's pissed at her date, and I end up talking to her and I ask for her number (I should mention she was drunk, probably gave me a better chance) and then she gives it to me and I call her on tuesday, and again she doesn't answer, I leave a message, and she text me back saying that she actually doesn't live in blacksburg and can't go out. So, there are a number of possibilities here.

1. I actually have no idea what flirting is, and these girls just give me their numbers to get off their backs and then come up with an excuse later on.
2. Tuesdays are bad luck for me.
3. The universe wants me to be alone.

I'm sure a lot of people feel like this, but I feel like fate is just a force in the universe that likes to fuck with your head. I'm no good at starting conversations or meeting people, yet somehow for the first time in a drought of over a year with no dates or anything, I manage to land myself in two situations where it is perfectly convenient for me to meet a girl and get a date, and still I fail. To be honest, with my dubious future, the only thing I really look forward to at this point is some kind of romantic companionship, but I'm starting to wonder if I should just forget about that and assume that if I'm meant to be with someone, it will just happen. I really do kind of feel like I'm a rat on a wheel, and someone's watching, laughing, knowing I can't escape, and I just keep running and thinking I'm going to go somewhere, which makes me kind of want to quit amusing the asshole. I mean if you're riding a horse and you dangle a carrot on a stick in front of it, does the horse move towards the carrot because it's stupid and doesn't know it can't get the carrot, or does it just really want the carrot, and despite it's knowledge of the futility of moving forward to get the carrot, it keeps doing it because it doesn't know what else to do? I mean the thing is, if I'm placed in that situation again, I don't think I'd keep myself from acting, but god damn, if that shit happens again, I'm going to build a time machine, go back in time, and destroy the time machine before I use it just so I can tear the universe a new one.

29th January 2009

11:44am: It's no secret that I'm a bit of a geek. Nothing to be ashamed of really, I'm comfortable with it. The only part of it I don't like is my lack of social skills and especially my inability to be anything but inept whereas women are concerned. But the problem is it's not just ineptitude which could be considered charming by some, in the past couple years I've become worse and worse at actually talking to girls. There was a new girl in rocky last night, very attractive, seemed very nice, I wanted to introduce myself but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I didn't. I used to at least be a little bold, and often times it didn't get me far, but occasionally it would. I'm told I'll meet the right girl eventually, but I'm not seeing it, and how will the right girl even know I'm the right guy if I don't even talk to her? I don't often take risks in life anymore (they'd usually fail in the past, and cause me a lot of problems), and I've been told by a friend that because I've ended up relying on reason and logic alone for the most part, I'm emotionally dead. I don't really agree with that entirely, although I would say I don't feel much. In fact, for the past few months, I've usually felt very little emotion about most things. Don't get me wrong, I definitely still do feel things, just probably not so much as I used to. I kind of noticed my emotions first dulled a few years ago when I first started taking medication, which I didn't mind because it was a nice change from being afraid to leave the house. Now I'm feeling pretty apathetic most of the time, but to be honest I can't say that I mind that a whole lot. I actually like it because I'm much more focused on school work and things like that. But, on the other hand there are times when it bothers me because I feel lonely and unfulfilled. I look at it this way though: as of right now, girls don't have that much of a reason to be interested because I have nothing to offer, but if I can be patient, I can worry about that in a few months when I may have something to offer besides being a socially awkward community college student who lives with his parents.

25th December 2008

12:14am: Merry Christmas!

5th November 2008

9:50am: Pleased
I have to say, yesterday I was pleased by many things.

*Pleased to not have to wait in line to vote (I'm sorry to those who did, but it's always worth it)
*Pleased to see Mark Warner beat Gilmore (not that that was a surprise in the least)
*Pleased to see that Periello MIGHT unseat Virgil Goode. Now I know this race isn't in my district (Boucher is my rep, but he's nearly always unopposed), but I am sick of hearing Goode's bigoted fear mongering commercials that encourage homophobia and sometimes even racism. My Dad has had some dealings with this guy and can attest to what an ignoramus he is.
*Pleased to see Virginia go blue! Even before I was old enough to vote, I was a bit angry that even when I did vote, since Virginia always goes red, my vote will never truly count, well I no longer feel that way. I found it funny looking at the election map of Virginia and seeing Montgomery County as a Blue island in a sea of red. I wonder if that means that we're part of "Fake Virginia" as well...

Finally not only was I pleased to see my candidate win, but pleased to see a genuinely positive historical moment. What I mean is that in the past few years I feel like I've lived to see quite a few things that will be important points in the history books; 9/11, the destruction of the Columbia, Katrina, the shootings at Tech, and 2 wars, but for once and at long last I'm able to witness a very positive moment in history: The election of an African American President. Now don't get me wrong, this is not why I voted for him, nor why anybody should have, but I think it's great to see that our country actually can progress and grow and not let ourselves be completely ruled by fear and ignorance.  They can call him a "celebrity" all they want, but it's nice to have such an inspirational figure take the lead in our country.

21st September 2008

5:54pm: So I've found a great site for monitoring the election. The news media cuts it down to popular vote by having nationwide polls, but as we all know from the 2000 election, popular vote doesn't mean a damn thing. This site basically analyzes all the polls from every state in the nation, and calculates odds and such. I honestly hate the electoral college system, I think it's an outdated concept, but I'm glad that this time around, Virginia is a swing state, it makes me feel more like my vote matters (as opposed to just being a gesture). It's probably good for Obama that the economy has now become the central issue to the election instead of Sarah Palin. I don't really believe Mccain knows much about economics, and of course, he has even admitted as much himself.

1st September 2008

1:36pm: So, I helped my little sister move into the dorm at Radford on Saturday. She seems to like it so far.  Of course, to me, it still seems like she's a little kid, and the idea of her being in such an adult environment can be a little bit troubling. Not that I worry about her judgment really, but more so about the people she's surrounded by. Let's face it, guys are at best, scumbags. We ALL think with our penis a good portion of the time, and some only do what their penis tells them. Guys like me are a best case scenario, most girls would say I'm a nice guy, and I would still say that I'm nice, but still a bit of a sleazeball (albeit a fairly unsuccessful one). Then there are the ones that are fucking nuts, and some who could be said to be just plain evil.  I've been trying to remind my parents to get her some pepper spray, but as I've found before, it's harder to get than a fucking gun (I shit you not there, you may have to go through less red tape, but their availability is far lower). You actually either have to go to a gun store or order it off the internet in order to get it. I personally don't understand this, because it's a non-lethal defensive weapon. My opinion is that at freshman orientation, they should give all the girls pepper spray. (Probably not the guys, just for the fact that a lot of them would probably just spray each other in the face just for fun).   Honestly, I think my sister has good judgment, but I still think there are guys who can pull the wool over anybody's eyes and then turn around and become a complete psycho, whether it be through stalking or worse things.  I can only hope that those psychos think twice, and realize that any girl they mess with, might have a brother who can also become something resembling a psycho when they mess with his sister. Although they might want to worry about the dad more, because I can picture my dad literally pulling some asshole's head off.

31st July 2008

2:29am: So I've kind of felt this awakening where I've felt like I need to do a lot more than nothing while I have free time. I'm kinda starting small, I've been watching a lot of movies I had been meaning to see, and reading alot. I read another one of Douglas Adam's books; not as good as Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but still funny. I also read the Hobbit, which I actually didn't know was originally intended as a childrens story, but it was still a great book.  I'm thinking about reading Lord of the Rings, but I'm not sure about that since I have seen the movies, and I can't help but feel that it's probably spoiled most of what the book has to offer, but of course, I'm sure not everything in the book is in the movies.  Anyway, as for everything else, my sister came to visit last weekend which was cool. She told me about working at the hospital at UVA, and currently her rotation takes her to the children's oncology ward. It sounds horribly sad to say the least, and I don't think I could really be very happy seeing innocent kids everyday who I know are going to die, even knowing that I'm saving some, but I guess luckily there are people like my sister who can be objective and detached enough to get the job done. Anyway the air conditioner in my house was broken the past few days, which made me realize how much I need the damn thing (not only how hot it gets with heat building up in the house, but because somehow, with the windows constantly open, the house somehow felt and smelled dirty). On a similar note, I'm thinking that if it ever cools down enough before summers over, I might hike up to the top of brush mountain and if I have someone come with me I MIGHT camp. Anyway, that's all for now.

16th July 2008

12:09am: 1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
right now everythings cool except gas is hitting me too hard

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I don't think I've ever technically had one

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to the person you lost it to?
looking back, I'm still amazed I lost it at all

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
There are a few people who I would have said less stupid things to.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Kuykendall

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
something with people I like.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
an astronaut

8. How many colleges did you attend?
one so far.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
first clean thing on the pile

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
they suck

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would it be?
NYC maybe, not sure who I'd take with me though.

12. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
hell if I remember

13. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

14. Do you miss being a child?
sometimes, but if I did go back to being a child, I would like to know everything I know now. It'd make school really easy.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
mowing grass

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
yeah, I think I probably would

18. Get up early or sleep in?
sleep in as late as I want, which as it turns out, is only until about 9 at this moment.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Cartman from South Park can always make me laugh

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
do I lose points if I say fuck?

21. Have you found real love yet?
I haven't even found somebody who can tolerate me for more than a week.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
when I turned 22.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I really hate the place, so I don't go there.

26. Beach or lake?
I guess it depends, I mean at least lakes aren't usually salty and don't have a rip tide.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
na, but I mean honestly, I think it's ok if people choose to have kids and not get married, it's just not what I would do.

28. Do you own property?
you can't OWN property man!

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
if I don't want people to know about it, what makes this survey think it has the power to make me reveal such a dark secret right now?

31. What's your drink?
my drink? I drink dr. pepper alot I guess.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
indians. These days when I think of cowboys, I think of redneck cowboy wannabes. Plus indians have a more interesting history.

33. Cops or Robbers?
I'm not sure what this question means.  I mean I'm not 5, so I assume it doesn't mean "who would I play as", so I guess if it means who would I root for in real life, I'd say in most cases the cops

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
generally I try to avoid people from high school unless I've kept in touch with them

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
the one that has nothing on it so I can transmit to it with my ipod
36. Norm or Cliff?
it's sad that I know this is referring to cheers. But I really didn't watch it much, and I'm not sure how it ended up on this survey. I mean I am certain that there is no way this survey has been circulating for 20 years.

37. Grey's or 'The Office?
The Office.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
not being able to get it started (the relationship I mean)

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I don't sit at work. Well, I mean I sit, but only when we're being lazy, which is most of the time, but seating isn't assigned or anything.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
One that puts out.

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
depends on what's inside and what's outside.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
once, which is why I have a blue fender.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
If by intended purpose you mean fun, then yes.

44. Last book you read?
I was reading Hiroshima, but I lost it, now I found it, but I"m currently reading Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
well I don't sleep with it anymore if that's what you're asking.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
that's a weird thing to ask. I can't think of an answer

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I've never been to California. I hear San Francisco is nice

48. Do you go to church?
I would, but everytime I walk through the door, my skin starts burning.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
relationship I suppose
50. How old are you? 23

Meme #2

1. Who has your heart?
I don't have one as far as you know.

2. Perfect relationship?
one where we both like each other

3. Which is more romantic: flowers or candy?
by romantic do you mean tasty? I think candy.

4. Are you wearing any jewelry?

5. Did you enjoy your last kiss?
sadly, I can't remember it, it's been a very long time and I'm really not sure exactly how long it's been. Might not be that long.

6. Have you ever been on the television?
yeah, I'm in a documentary on a local station in Richmond

7. What did you eat today?
A blueberry bagel, chicken, TCBY Yogurt, Donuts, other things that I can't remember at the moment.
8. Do you like mustard?
no I do not

9. What's the last thing you bought?
a whore, I mean I rented a movie.

10. Do you know your fathers birthday?
yeah, wouldn't I be kind of an ass if I didn't?

11. Where's the last place you went shopping?
Best Buy I think

12. Did you sing in the shower today?

13. When is the last time you cried?
I watched I am Legend today, and I guess I might have been a bit teary eyed when his dog died.

14. What is the most irritating thing the opposite sex can do?

16. What was the last movie you watched?
American Beauty

17. Is your shirt new?
it's about a year old, it's the dave matthews virginia tech concert shirt.

18. Do you live near your ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
can't say that I do

19. Are you scared of bugs?
bugs? no. spiders? a little

20. Are you a cuddler?
depends on who you're talking about

22. What do you think of Eminem?
he's a douchebag

23. Do you read?
when I can

24. Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
I already said no

25. Last thing that made you cry?
didn't I already answer this?

26. What's the last TV show you watched?

27. Do you like baseball?

28. Least favorite sport?
I'm not much of a sports person to be honest.

29. Last time you went out to eat?
I don't know, I guess if you count the donuts, then today
30. What are you doing tomorrow?
I'm not really sure

31. Where were you yesterday?
the pool mostly

32. Where's your BEST friend?

33. What are you doing right now?
this survey

34. Who was the last person you talked on the phone?
my sister

35. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

36. What is the last thing you purchased online?
I don't really remember

37. Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
people who've moved away. michael, rio, kate.

38. Did you have fun today?
a little bit, but I got water up my nose and my shoulders burned.

39. Regret breaking up with any of your ex's?
can't say that I do

40. What is your GPA?
don't really know right now

41. What do you know about the future?
solid state hardrives holographic data storage, most surgeries being a thing of the past thanks to regenerative injections, cybernetic implants (although some will initially resist), RFID controversy, neutrino communications...

42. Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
my sister

43. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
old enough to make enough money to take care of them

44. Last person you slept in a bed with?
I probably shouldn't say

44. Last time you ate cereal?
2 days ago

45. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

46. Do you hate anyone?

47. How often do you give high fives?
almost never

48. What's your longest relationship?
what's a relationship?

49. What are you wearing?
for all you know I'm nude.

50. What’s your favorite color?

21st June 2008

12:01pm: coincidences can suck
So more than ever, I'm convinced that the idea of suing someone for "stealing" your idea, just because they're similar, is a stupid thing.  But mainly, I'm pissed that people can't believe that two people can have very similar ideas, without one stealing from the other. A few months ago I wrote a story which I've been amending every so often to make it better. One said amendment was a part of the story that discusses the outbreak of a disease that causes people to go into a very sudden catatonic state, basically making them freeze in place. I imagined very haunting imagery of a city where people are just stopped in crosswalks, entire crowds of people frozen in place, as if time had been frozen. Unfortunately, the other day I was watching a trailer for the new movie "The Happening", and there is are scenes in that movie EXACTLY like that.  Of course it'd be ridiculous to think that they stole my idea, but my fear is that when people one day read my story, they're going to think I stole the idea from that movie.  I really don't want to take that part out of my story, especially since it is actually a very important plot element.  Trying to be original is pretty much impossible.

16th June 2008

10:26pm: Garfield Minus Garfield
a comic one can relate to.

26th May 2008

3:57pm: So, summer... Not too bad so far, actually have some friends around this summer. I went to a gem and mineral show on Friday. Was hoping to find some good archealogical artifacts, but besides some egyptian beads, there wasn't much to speak of, and I didn't have much money to burn anyway, so I went paleontological and just bought a couple of Spinosaurus teeth.

There was actually a far more interesting specimen at Dixie Caverns, a pair of Dinosaur eggs, but for the price I could have bought a used car. I've decided that at some point in my life, I'm going to go on an archealogical dig, since buying the remains of ancient civilizations can be horribly expensive (although going on a dig might be just as bad, but at least you have a better idea as to the probability of authenticity).  Maybe pre-columbian visits to America are true and I'll find the armor of a Roman Centurion buried in a field outside of Blacksburg (Unfortunately, although early, probably accidental visits were possible, it is unlikely they strayed far from the coast). Saturday was kind of crazy, worked at a wine tasting with a 9 course dinner. Also crazy, I now work with a girl who gave me her number about 5 years ago, but whom I never called. There is good reason for that though, see, although she was attractive, I was 18 at the time, and she was at most 15, and I didn't like the idea of her parents calling the cops on me. But, now she's in college, but the bad news is she has a boyfriend, but the good news is that I didn't find this out in an awkward way as I usually do.  Yesterday I ran into my old high school friend Paul. Probably one of the cooler friends who I haven't had enough contact with. He had actually just gotten back from India and Bhutan, and I gotta say, I am really envying my friends who are seeing so much more than I am.  For my thoughts on Indiana Jones, read below the cut, because I don't want to spoil those who don't like to be spoiled...

9th May 2008

11:43pm: I hate summer
As much as I hate cold weather, I hate summer more. I am alone, I might try traveling, I don't know. Mostly I'll just sit on the computer, waiting for someone to talk to. But only slightly more than the school year, the difference being that in the summer, I have nothing to do on weekends except work (sarcastic yippee). Every summer I just drive around the area, hoping maybe I'll see someone I know, or haven't seen in a long time who I want to talk to, but I never do. Maybe a pretty girl will give me a flirty glance and I'll have some kind of summer fling or maybe more, but she doesn't even look at me. I go to the pool a lot, but when I'm at the pool, I look at people with friends, and I'm just the weirdo who's alone at the pool. My friends from high school never come home anymore, but then again, this isn't there home anymore, I'm just the man-child stuck in time who still considers it to be his home (in some ways). Boredom can be the worst feeling of all in some ways. It leads to trouble, it leads to depression, and in my case, it rarely ever leads to good things. My family is here, which is not a bad thing usually, but I want to hang out with people with similar interests, people who want to do similar things, my family unfortunately is not that similar to me. I am horribly afraid of boredom, I'm afraid of where my mind goes when I'm bored, even when I was a kid I knew boredom was not good for me.

24th April 2008

6:22pm: Made it alot further today, all the way to roanoke.

23rd April 2008

12:07pm: so today, I did something great! I drove to Shawesville by myself!!!!! I know that sounds incredibly stupid, but this is a big step in my fight against my fear of travel. What's even better, is that while I felt a little bit nervous and a little bit afraid on my way there, I didn't feel a panic attack coming on. I think I may have broken the barrier. I mean not so long ago, I felt nervous just driving through there with my parents, but today I didn't really feel very bad at all. The trip back was even better because I was so happy about having made it there, I didn't even think about coming home. Now that I've done this, I know that I can completely conquer this fear. I really have to thank Kate too, because she challenged me to come visit her next year, and the thought of not seeing her again because of my fear bothered me enough to give me the extra boost I needed to defeat my fear. I feel the best I've felt in 4 years.
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